Marriage Counseling
Couples therapy in Huntington Beach
You may be feeling that you just don’t know how to communicate with one another. You may have had the unfortunate reality of infidelity come in and threaten to destroy your relationship. You may be feeling that it is impossible to find time and space to work through the difficult issues that you and your partner keep running into. You may be feeling hurt, unheard, taken for granted, and misunderstood by your partner.
I understand, and I’m here to help.
Meet Brandon Pendergraft, Huntington Beach Couples Therapist
My name is Brandon Pendergraft, and I am a licensed marriage and family therapist in Huntington Beach, CA.
I have been helping couples for over 20 years to overcome the communication barriers that prevent them from hearing their partner. I help partners hear and understand each other. I focus on getting couples to soften the anger and listen to one another in a way that gets to the heart of the issue. I find that once each partner can really hear the heart of their partner, healing can happen.
I have seen couples overcome impossible odds in order to reconnect and rekindle their love for one another. Together, we will work on getting you back on the same team and working towards shared goals and to create a safe haven from the difficulties that the world throws at you.
I would consider it an honor to help you regain the love that brought you together in the first place.
Contact me for a free consultation if you feel ready to work on your marriage.
My Approach to Couples Therapy
My approach in marriage counseling is to help both parties feel heard and understood. I am adept at using different modalities that can help you get to the root of where you are stuck in your relationship and help develop compassion for one another as you learn more about your partner’s experience. When couples come in and work hard together, it is amazing what they can accomplish and overcome. I am proud to say that I have been a part of many marriages being reclaimed, divorces stopped, and love strengthened as a result of the work that we have done together. Many couples have reported that marriage counseling was the best investment in their future that they ever made and have created lasting, even generational change as a result of working on their marriage.
FAQs for Marriage Counseling
What type of therapist is best for marriage counseling?
When you are seeking a therapist for marriage counseling, it is best to seek out someone who is trained in the art of couples counseling. Both members of the couple should feel comfortable with the person that you are meeting with and there should be a sense of that the therapist will be able to help you achieve your goals in therapy. Many things are worth considering when you are seeking couples counseling such as, age, life stage, years of experience, male or female, expertise with the issues that are facing, etc. Do some research and find several therapists that are worth exploring and sit with them, learn about their approach, and feel like you two can connect with them in order to hopefully achieve a great outcome in therapy. I am a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist and have been working with couples throughout my 20 year career in the field of psychotherapy, and it has been my pleasure and honor to create lasting change in the lives of those who have placed their trust in me.
Can marriage counseling save a marriage?
I have seen many marriages saved through marriage counseling. I have seen many marriages fall apart despite marriage counseling, and I have seen many marriages peacefully come to the end of their journey together as a couple. I would love to tell you that marriage counseling always works, but that would not be honest. What I can say with 100% certainty is that marriage therapy is capable of overcoming great odds, when both partners are committed to working hard and being honest about where they are in the process. Marriage counseling can fail when one partner isn’t willing to put in the hard work, i.e. one partner wants to continue abusing substances, a partner is in marriage counseling but is continuing to stray in the relationship, or when one partner isn’t being honest with themselves or their partner about where they are in the relationship i.e. they have already decided to leave, they can’t forgive their partner. In my experience, whether the rupture in the relationship is minor or major, it will come down to how hard you are willing to work to repair the relationship and get back to a place of love and friendship. I have seen instances where the couple got together for reasons that did not really involve love, i.e. they went through a trauma together, they got pregnant early in the relationship, there were mental health issues, they were a bad fit and knew it but got married anyway, etc. In these rather rare occasions the couple comes to couples counseling, gets honest with themselves and their partner, and hopefully finds a way to amicably part ways and work through their issues to leave the relationship feeling resolved.
How long are most couples in marriage counseling?
Length of therapy or marriage counseling is often determined by the difficulties that you are facing as a couple. I have seen couples in my practice who basically need a tune up and just need to find a way to overcome a minor roadblock that is preventing them from moving forward. Other couples come in for more serious issues that have developed over decades and many areas of their marriage are not in good order and need to be addressed. Most people report feeling some relief after meeting just once. Some of my favorite couples in marriage counseling really grow to enjoy the work with their partner, and gaining insight and understanding of them, their past, and what makes them tick and have spent a lot of hours in self-growth with one another. Often my advice in couples therapy or marriage counseling is whatever it takes! Whatever it takes means, exactly that whatever it takes to live in a marriage that is satisfying and fulfilling rather that miserable and dreadful. No one wants to be in a marriage that is unsatisfying where you are bitter and resentful towards your spouse. If that takes 1 hour or 1000 hours, do whatever it takes to get the marriage that you deserve.
Does marriage counseling really work?
I have seen marriage counseling help couples overcome infidelity, hate towards one another, inability to communicate, substance abuse issues, you name it. I have also seen marriage therapy not work, i.e. a lot of people try marriage counseling when they have let their relationship get so dilapidated and they have already thrown in the towel. The opposite of love is not hate but indifference. I can help you overcome your hate towards one another, as hate occurs when you need something from your partner but you are not getting your needs met. Indifference where you don’t care at all is rarely resolvable in my experience. It is not easy but most marriages have a chance to be saved. It is worth investing in your relationship to determine whether it can be saved or not, especially when there are children involved. Often people think divorce will be easier or the better option only to realize there is nothing easy or better about being divorced. As a side note, in my experience, I have witnessed first that, even if divorce is the option that you choose, working through your issues on the front end can save you literally thousands, tens of thousands, even hundreds of thousands of dollars in lawyer fees as you try and work those same issues out through the legal process.
Invest into the most important relationship in your life with the help of a couples therapist in Huntington Beach
If you feel ready to improve your relationship, reach out for a free consultation.